One question I get all the time goes something like this: "Okay, Mr. Smart-guy motorcycle writer, what kind of bike would you buy if you were looking for a new ride?"

My first response is always: "It depends on what I want." A Boulevard cruiser? Long-distance tourer? Sport bike? Sport tourer? Big bike? Small bike?

My second response is: "How much money can I spend?" It's expensive out there and I can count on dropping $10,000 to $25,000 minimum to get something half-decent.

And thirdly: "What do I want to say with my ride?"

Let's face it, these days motorcycles are discretionary forms of transportation and many people buy them for the statement they make and not how efficiently they get from point A to B.

I figure we're currently in the middle of what I consider to be a new golden age of motorcycles. There are some excellent bikes out there and it's a buyer's market in just about every category.

With these things in mind, here are my choices:

Boulevard cruiser: Of course, it's got to be a Harley-Davidson and any one of the Softails will do nicely. For maximum retro-impact, I'd choose the venerable FXSTS or Springer Softail. Classic laid-back posture, attitude up the ying-yang and that intriguing spring-loaded front end that can trace its lineage back some 60 years at least.

The Springer doesn't corner worth a damn and is a bit of a handful on the highway, but it'll turn heads -- and isn't that the general idea? Plus, it has Harley's twin cam 88B engine and, of paramount importance, it's the real deal. It'll hold its value extremely well, which is not the case with most of its rivals.

Long-distance tourer: Easy. The Honda Gold Wing. In terms of smoothness, comfort, power, handling, and overall performance, it doesn't really have an equal.

An exquisite sense of balance and little extras like fresh air vents, power adjustable windscreen, illuminated handlebar controls and even reverse gear make the Wing the choice for serious coast-to-coaster riders. It's probably a titch on the geriatric side, but there you go. I also like Harley-Davidson Electra Glides, except they're more expensive and a little down on power.

Sport bike: This is a tough one, because most sport bikes on the market these days go like the clappers right out of the box and are extremely competitive. For most riders -- and most riding conditions -- the differences between a Suzuki GSX-R1000, Kawasaki ZZR1200 or Honda CBR1000RR are academic.

For me, it all boils down to comfort. A hot bike that'll go from 0 to 100 km/h in three seconds is exciting, no question, but what about over the long haul? What about an all-day ride?

On that score, being in the saddle of most sport bikes is like riding around on dental floss. But if I must pick one, I'd go for something that's a little more rider-friendly, even if it's not quite as rapid. I like Suzuki's Bandit 1200S and V-Strom models -- plenty of performance, minus the vertebrae-stretching riding position. Honourable mention to the Buell Lightning Low.

Sport tourer: The BMW R1150RT or Touring Boxer. This is a lovely motorcycle, with everything in the right place.

It's comfortable, powerful and thoughtfully designed. It has hard bags, an adjustable windscreen, heated grips, integrated brakes with ABS and all the handling habits of a well-behaved sport bike.

It's also got BMW's horizontally-opposed, oil-cooled flat-twin engine, which gives it some personality. The Touring Boxer is truly the kind of motorcycle you can ride all day and still respond favourably if you're feeling frisky and want to toss it through some twisties.

Arguably the most versatile bike out there. A real close second here is the Honda ST1300, which has everything the Beemer does, but is considerably quicker.

Entry level: This is one of those categories that really depends upon how you're built and how much money you can spend. I don't really enjoy being on a motorcycle with no get-up-and-go and consider an underpowered motorcycle to be just as dangerous as an overpowered one.

But if I wanted to get onto two wheels and didn't give a damn about image, I'd plump for the Suzuki Burgman scooter. Either the 400 or 650 is fine; they can both manage freeway riding, are just about unbeatable around town, as easy to ride as eating cake and virtually maintenance-free. Slightly dorky looking, maybe, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

And if I was seeking a decent-sized bike that has some get-up-and-go but didn't want to put myself in the poorhouse doing it, the Harley-Davidson Sportster 883 is an excellent place to start. Reliable, reasonably peppy, and, at lessthan $8,000 to start, reasonably priced. Suzuki's Savage 650 is an acceptable choice here as well.

Both bikes will appeal to the inseam-challenged, while being manageable enough to provide some riding thrills without scaring the doo-doo out of you while they're at it. They're both super-abundant on the used-bike market and even cheaper when preowned.

Good luck, and keep the shiny side up and the rubber side down.