Roadside know-how
Be prepared for automotive emergencies with these tips

I was watching a movie called Tangerine Taxi the other evening - on the Drive-in Movie Channel naturally - in which a good looking taxi driver talked his attractive passenger out of her pantyhose to replace a broken fan belt.

This might have worked on the 1940-something sedan he was driving, but don't plan on this ploy getting you out of trouble (or into it) with one of today's cars (or women). To replace the belt on a modern vehicle you'd have to reduce the pantyhose to its constituent fibres and knit yourself a new one.

But there are some things you can do to get you home or at least safely off the highway when a lack of drive hits the fan, the temperature warning, oil pressure or check engine light comes on, the battery dies or a tire goes flat.

For the mysteries to be revealed, read on. But first the mandatory self-preservation reminder (yours and mine): Read the warnings and cautions segment of your owner's manual before undertaking any of the actions described. Whenever you have to stop, pull as far off the roadway as is safe and turn on your 4-way flashers. Be aware and careful when outside the vehicle.

ESSENTIAL ITEMS
First, there are five things you should have in your car at all times: a first aid kit; an emergency kit; a cell phone; a fire extinguisher; and finally, plenty of common sense. The latter will tell you when you should use the cell phone rather than endangering yourself trying to fix something.

A first aid kit should contain any special medications, etc. you or your family might need in a hurry, plus bandages, etc. so you or somebody who knows what they're doing can deal with serious injuries.

The emergency kit can be as simple or elaborate as you like. I'd include emergency triangles and/or a packet of flares, jumper cables, extra fuses, a flashlight, duct tape, a pen and paper (for accident info), a spray bottle filled with washer fluid, one of those tire inflators-in-a-can, some strong but easy to bend wire, a blanket and a cheap raincoat or poncho. You should also consider work gloves and an adjustable wrench, fuse puller, vice-grips and screwdrivers that fit the fasteners used on your vehicle. Pre-packaged kits are available. A four litre container of pre-mixed, anti-freeze solution (usually 50/50 with water) is also a good idea.

Simply being aware is the best defense against roadside strandings. Watch your instrument panel for warnings, listen for odd sounds and pay attention to your sense of smell - hot coolant, burning rubber, brakes or insulation, etc.

WARNING LIGHTS
Depending on your car there will be warning lights for many things. Some need prompt attention, others don't. Check the owner's manual but use the following as a general rule:

Traction control, anti-lock brakes and anti-skid system lights - all these have default modes so you can keep driving cautiously, but head for service as soon as possible.

Brake warning light - indicates low brake fluid level and possible failure of part of the system. Be aware of potential degradation or loss of braking power. You can head cautiously for a garage.

Voltage/battery light - indicates a fault in the charging system. Steer for a garage immediately.

Oil pressure warning light - indicates dangerously low lubricating oil pressure. You should pull over and turn off the engine as soon as possible.

Service engine soon light - the onboard electronic diagnostic system has detected a problem. You can keep driving, but get it checked soon.

Low fuel light - one of the sillier reasons for failing to proceed (as Rolls-Royce used to say) is running out of gas. Some fuel gauges have been acting up this summer though. You can buy jugs of safe-to-carry fuel substitute if your car is prone to this or hike to a gas station. Make sure the container's nozzle is long enough to fully enter the filler neck.

If the light goes out and the needle drops you can possibly limp to a garage. You can help the situation by slowing down on the highway and shifting into neutral and idling when stopped in traffic. It also helps to switch off the air conditioner and crank the heater up to high (its core acts as a secondary radiator).

FLAT TIRES
If a tire goes flat, keep the wheel straight, slow down, put the turn signal on and ease to the shoulder. If the tire looks okay, it might be a simple puncture and your can of tire inflation and leak fixing stuff might get you going again. Changing a tire requires both knowledge and physical strength and can be dangerous. Putting on the spare alongside 130 km/h traffic on the 401 is not advisable. If you must change the tire yourself, pull well out of traffic onto a surface stable enough to jack the car on. Put out your safety triangles, a flare or at least turn on your 4-way flashers. Follow the jacking and wheel changing instructions in the owner's manual to the letter. A practice run to learn where things are and how they work makes sense.

QUICK FIXES
Hitting some road debris can rip lose plastic fascias or cladding. In some cases this can be temporarily secured with duct tape. If an exhaust system hanger has broken and your muffler's dragging, wire can be used to secure it (give it time to cool first).

If wipers, washers, headlamps, signal lights, defroster or other electrically operated systems fail a fuse may have blown, usually for a reason, but sometimes replacing it will get things working. Get to know where the fuse box is beforehand. The purpose of each fuse is usually indicated on the lid or housing. Use the puller to extract the dud fuse and replace it with a new one of the same value.

If the windscreen washers quit, you can use the squeeze bottle of washer fluid to help you get to a service station. Amateur towing isn't a recommended way to get home. Bite the bullet and call a tow truck.